Life, Short & Sweet

Did you think I was done?

Life update, random thoughts and what’s next for the blog

I spent at least 30 minutes, googling the term “SIKE” just for the sub-heading of this blog but I still haven’t determined whether it’s ‘Sike’ or ‘Psych’ whatever, you get me.

Hello you foxy bitches and handsome puppers, I’m back! Did you miss me? You missed me, I know it. I know because some of you yell at me every week to be like “Hey! Where the fuck is the next one?” And I have to be honest with you… LET ME FUCKING LIVE! JOKES, it’s not my fault. Ok, it’s partially my fault I have been lacking inspiration. However, that’s because of COVID. The big C word is being a real C word in our lives at the moment, to the point where since my last blog I have been nowhere, done nothing therefore not writing about anything.

Could I have written about how the current state of our world is driving me crazy? Yes but that’s a given. Could I have written about politics and how the government is a giant, lying, controlling, fear mongering, snake in the grass? Yes. However I’d like to think I’m the relatable, ‘bares it all’ type, rather than the whining or forcing my opinions onto you type. So instead, let’s crack on with how my time has been spent during the PLANdemic. Oh? Oops. Did that slip out? Moving right along…

I just finished the hardest workout of my life. A full body, 90 minute weights session and THEN this absolute psycho decided it’d be a great idea to jump on the treadmill and run as a finisher. Now, is this an extraordinary feat? Yes, praise me please. I’m looking for congratulations, for I am not one of these wannabe insta-influences who don’t shut the fuck up about how they spend all this extra time at home during COVID, working on their fitness and being super productive. I am that girl who hasn’t blogged at all, has only worked out maybe twice a week if that, and has mostly been sitting on her fat, lazy ass and enjoying my three favourite things – blazing up, eating nachos made with crushed Doritos for munchies and binge watching every season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Which, by the way, can we talk about how I am definitely team Kris Humphries? First of all, Kim was way more fun dating the Hump, ok? They’d wrestle together and he’d burp in her face and she giggled like it’s the funniest thing she’s ever seen. My favourite was when he’d constantly offend the Kardashian clan with his outrageous comments and humour and they all the hated him! Imagine Kanye West, roughhousing and play wrestling and burping and being actually funny. I think not. Anyone else also annoyed by the fact she didn’t want to buy a second home in Minnesota with Kris but let Kanye West buy a ranch in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Wyoming? Also, Kris era Kim had way better style than Kanye era Kim. Controversial opinion? Yes. But… facts. I’m very into this season. Especially the extravagant wedding special, where all they did was fight and hate each other and the opening scene is a statement detailing how Kim filed for divorce 73 days later. NO SHIT. I cannot. Too good.

Speaking of things I’m disappointed in myself for, I let my Jiu-Jitsu training go to shit and didn’t show up for about 6 weeks. So a huge middle finger to anyone who managed to get their life together and become super productive during COVID, you’re a much better person than I am because I let everything fall apart. When I decided to return, I got sick with a cold and missed another 3 weeks getting over that, then found out my coach was having much more serious health issues than I was and let the gym go to two randoms who I’m sure are fantastic, but I don’t know them. So I decided that just wasn’t in the cards for me at the moment and I’d pick my Jiu-Jitsu training back up when I got back to England… whenever the fuck that will be. Don’t get it twisted though, I have not lost sight of my Jiu Jitsu goals… I am itching to dive back in, with a new coach and a new gym in England and get some serious upgrades going on in terms of belts if you catch what I’m throwing out there. These thick thighs are just waiting to choke someone in a triangle. I miss the violence!

Speaking of getting back to England and the only thing I’m rolling around with right now, is my vibrator whilst on the phone to my incredibly handsome and adorable English boyfriend Tom. Yes, you heard me, BOYFRIEND. If there’s one aspect of my life I managed to salvage and piece back together during COVID it’s my love life. *Applause* However thanks to COVID, he’s now back home in England and I am stuck here in Australia and I have managed to trip and accidentally fall into another long distance relationship. YAY. Not. Is it difficult being apart? Duh. Mostly because he’s so hot and I can’t not drool when I think about him and yet, it’s still the easiest, most drama free relationship ever. We’re so happy and in love, I literally have nothing to write about HAHAHA how the tables have turned! I’m 0% stressed about Tom and our relationship, that if you’ve ever read my blogs about George, Ted and Paul and that whole era, you would know that this is a wildly different experience for me, that I am still adjusting to yet thoroughly enjoying. Just when I was like “Ok, fuck men, I want to be alone” the universe was all “Ok… OK! Stop being dramatic, I get it. Here, have the real deal. Love you xx.” My girlfriend said to me “Don’t you ever worry about him being over there without you and what he might get up to?” and my response was “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO. Not even a little bit.” We’re so obsessed with each other, its the kind of love I’d see from other couples and want to gag. It took meeting Tom for me to realise that relationships are supposed to be easy. SO easy. Like when it’s right, it just works. Our disagreements are always so minor and they’re resolved in 5 seconds because Tom will never leave anything up in the air. I don’t have to beg him to do anything. Nothing. He makes me feel so loved and so reassured every single day all on his own. He sends flowers every single month on the date that we met, he sends thoughtful little gifts and calls me every single day. I don’t have to ask for anything, ever. Never have I needed to ask him to pay more attention or ask where he is or what he’s upto, he just does it because he loves me and wants me as involved in his life as I would be if I were physically with him in England. I feel like if Tom had his way, I’d have a British passport and would have been able to travel back there with him, if you know what I mean. He doesn’t take himself too seriously either, in fact, he’s grown out his hair to have some Canadian Hockey Player like flow going on AND a moustache and yet, I am weirdly more attracted to him than ever. So… just patiently waiting for us to be able to fly again so I can go home, lick his face and his giant schlong, and trip all over Europe in the camper van he’s currently doing up for us and just go to all the gigs and festivals and beautiful places with my best friend. *Vomit* We’re so cute, it’s actually disgusting. I apologise.

That pretty much sums up the last few months since I have been gone. Not overly exciting. As for what is next with this blog? I’m really not sure. There doesn’t seem to be a real possibility of travel anytime soon. My love life is fucking epic and no one wants to read about that because it’s boring. So all I can promise is that I will try harder to find topics that I think you’ll enjoy my two cents on and post as often as I deem appropriate. Summer is on its way as is the holiday season, that is bound to give us something to talk about. The last thing I want to do is have this blog turn to shit and write about things that honestly, none of us give a fuck about. I’m not going to start posting recipes and home workouts and clothing hauls and just utter bullshit, BUT I will try to keep you updated on bits and pieces as this bore-fest of a year drags on, taking our lust for life and will to live with it. I hope each and every single one of you reading this around the world are surviving and doing ok. Remember, 2020 is not a productivity contest. You don’t have to be doing anything extraordinary during these lockdowns and time at home, getting through it is more than enough and worthy of being proud of yourself. If you have managed to pick up new hobbies, or start a business, or get extra fit, I sincerely applaud you, congratulate you and ask to you be kind to those around you who might be struggling.

Much love! I’m racing off to a laser hair removal appointment because it’s coming into Summer here in Australia and I enjoy being as smooth as a slippery, baby dolphin.

See you soon,


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